Toilet Tenancies

May I preempt this post with an apology for its content. Pre-parenthood I expected more of myself than to become one of those crazies who discuss their offsprings toilet tendencies in public forums but this will be bound to a family book once a year and lets be honest, it would be a shame to forget all this embarrassing material.

G age 3: to my child-free, newly dating, in vacationing honeymoon land friends who are relaxing on my couch enjoying wine and snacks. " I have to poop! It's gonna be this big!" holding his hands above his head about 2 feet apart.

It is funny how different children are about there toilet practices A used to run in and request you stay so close he could see you and be as quick about his business as possible as to get back to whatever antics he had been involved in before nature called. Whereas G has a much different toileting routine as Kevin's Aunt Liz (bless her heart) found out at a lunch visit at the Grandparents home on Monday. The act begins with a very public expression of his needs..."Have to POOP!!!" or pee whatever the case may be.
He then needs to prepare which includes a stool, a child's toilet seat and removing all his clothing. (I do believe in this case he spared her slightly and allowed his sandals to remain on)
to top this act off he then hollers "I need privacy" you may then believe standing on the other side of a mostly closed door would be the best choice for all involved but you will be met with the line "I need it RAZOR closed!" which in essence means you must shut the door till it clicks.

He will follow all of this with a statement of completion from the selection below.
"I did the biggest poop in town!"
"I did 3 poops" this ranges in the number scale and I am oddly pleased to say is relatively accurate.
and my personal favorite because it lacks description, "I finished pooping!!!"

Oh my days are filled with fun!
I could continue with another reel of embarrassing terror toileting tales but I believe this will suffice.